so today, i did a thing. (and had no idea how creepy smiling would look in the photo, sorry about those nightmares).
yoga this semester has been a huge contributing factor in my growth as a person. it has taught me patience. courage. gratitude. trust. how to face and conquer fears, even deep-seated ones. we’ve done the wall before, about a month or so ago, and i was so scared to go inverted (as pictured above) - afraid i wasn’t strong enough, afraid i would fall, afraid of nothing more than the unknown, really. but then i did it, and i loved it. it is so much fun to dangle like that, looking at the world in a completely different light.
and then today i worked through another fear, funnily enough, also of going upside down again. we were using an inversion chair to be able to practice headstands (against a wall) without actually doing headstands. and for whatever reason, i was terrified to kick up and hold myself upside down. it took three other girls from my class gently encouraging me and giving me tips to go from head-in-hole-but-feet-still-on-the-ground to trusting physics, and my own core muscles, to get me up safely. and i did it. i even got the courage to balance without using the wall for a few seconds. and i felt so accomplished when i was done.
my biggest goal/challenge for myself during the month of april is to say yes. i honestly haven’t felt like i’ve had many opportunities (save for my teaching offer in france which i said yes to in a heartbeat [although there were times during the waiting period that i wasn’t so sure i would do that]). but today i realized that even just little things like finally doing assisted-headstands in yoga or trying a new food or running just a bit farther than i planned to - those are all things to say yes to. those little things add up, they add up to make my life, and i want to say yes to life. i don’t want the years to pass and realize i’ve been sitting stagnant waiting for ‘the right thing’ or ‘a big thing’ to say yes to. the time will pass anyway, i feel obligated, now, to myself, to make that time worthwhile as often as i can. sometimes you say yes to the seventy-foot drop. sometimes you say yes to jumping just a few inches higher. both are equally worthwhile; both are equally important.
meant to run today. but there was a torrential downpour/thunderstorm all afternoon and then chai lattes and cinnamon rolls to be had after chapter tonight so i’ll go tomorrow instead. did finally do some yoga flows for the first time since tuesday. happy to report that my hamstring feels just fine, finally. oh and i did some pushups. today was a test day, which is unfortunate since i haven’t done any in a week. but that’s okay.
realized this afternoon how far i’ve come over the last three months mentally. i have so much more to learn, and so much more room to grow, but i can already tell that my thinking is just fundamentally changing, and i’m so much happier because of it. my april goals are continuing to challenge me daily, but when i compare these to my february goals (which seemed quite daunting at the time), i recognize the growth. this isn’t a bragging thing, more just a pleasant observation. i still have so much to learn. so much to understand. and that’s actually quite exciting.
yoga tomorrow morning is our second-to-last class. i’m really sad. i love my instructor, i wish so much i could take her to fort worth with me for the summer and just have private yoga sessions. i’ve learned so much from her.
in other news, max and i are seeing aziz ansari live in austin on saturday night! i am so excited. i love aziz anyway but also his stand up is fantastic from what i’ve seen on netflix. it will be so nice to have a night out full of laughter with my favorite, hardest-ever working boy.
this year we were able to have the race be chip timed. so yeah, it was like the real deal.
i was going to run it but with my hamstring still on the mend i opted not to; disappointed, but not worth the potential pain and injury.
this is the biggest philanthropy event of any chapter of my sorority, kappa alpha theta. last year we raised more money at our 5K/silent auction than any other chapter had ever raised in one event in the 130+ years of theta’s existence. this year we surpassed that number again by $6K to raise a total of $86,574.
that’s $86,574 that will go straight to two amazing organizations fighting child abuse. that’s $86,574 that will ensure justice, counseling, healing and peace for hundreds of abused children in the brazos valley. that’s $86,574 that will give hundreds more children in the brazos valley a voice in the court system, a champion/supporter/friend/protector in the foster care system.
i am so proud of these women, these 200 college women who have given their time and know-how and sleep to plan, promote and put on this incredible event for the children. with the $20,000+ we raised this fall, we were able to donate over $100,000 to scotty’s house and CASA this school year alone. i can’t imagine a better to way to bow out of my years as an active member.
today was incredible. the lives that that money will change will be even more incredible.
1. some sunset pictures from my drive last night. the colors were so much more intense in person. when i move away i won’t miss the heat but i sure will miss big texas skies.
2. two of my dear friends got engaged tonight! they are the best and i am so thrilled for them. only wishing there weren’t so many miles between us as i’m dying to hug both of their necks.
3. breathe. give the benefit of the doubt. stop making yourself the victim. these are words that i often find myself thinking when i look at my father; its slightly horrifying to find myself directing them back at me.
4. i got to bake cookies today. i miss baking. it was so nice.
5. i think i’ve been looking in all the wrong places. the thing is, i’m not sure i know where the right ones are.
This is the face of a girl who officially gets to quit her waitressing job to work for the AP Institute at TCU this summer! Swapping trays of food and needy customers for getting to make connections with and sitting in on talks from some of the world’s best teachers.
Plus my hamstring (which was actually only strained not pulled, thank goodness) feels 95% normal, its beautifully sunny outside and tomorrow is THETA 5K!
Have the best Friday. Make some sweat, seek the good.
yoga this morning was just the worst. I thought it was just the fact that i could not escape a negative headspace (which is still a lot of it) but it also turns out that my tight hamstring is actually a pulled hamstring….and what’s the biggest thing you shouldn’t do to a pulled hamstring? stretch. what is yoga? stretching.
no running, uphill walking, squatting, etc this week. lots of rest and heating pads. fingers crossed i can still run my 5K race saturday morning. trying to seek the good in this but after last week of hardly sweating, another week of rest is not what my heart wants right now.
on the positive side, i have an interview friday morning for a really great summer job that does not involve serving or prepping food or clothing in any way. halelujah for even having the opportunity.
i may have only gotten 4.5 hours of sleep, but i finished a book last night, took my last exam until finals in three weeks, did medicine ball exercises + walked uphill (yay sweat finally) and then came home to find HOMEMADE FRENCH PASTRIES sent to me by the lovely ariavie, complete with kittens-on-cover french-note-within card. two of three may or may not already be residing in my belly. elles étaient déliceuses, merci beaucoup, karen!
the sun is shining. my belly has pastries. my heart has (french) words from a friend. today is a beautiful day, y’all.
i forgot how to sweat this week. holding myself to my promise to change that tomorrow. grace is one thing, lethargy is another.
last night was the best. captain america with my favorite man. laughter and jimmy john’s and comfort and snuggles and falling asleep reading. he’s the best. to say i am ready for the craziness that is the last month of undergrad to be over so that i can spend the summer seeing his face and hearing his laugh and holding his hand is an understatement. i will hopefully (yes, only hopefully) get to see him for one more overnight trip before his graduation may 17. this is ludicrous. not his fault. but still.
on the docket for our three (!!!!!) year anniversary at the end of may: camping. far away from ‘the world’. just us. i can’t wait. :)
i promise that turned green literally the exact moment i took the photo.
rainy welcome to fort worth last night. pedicure with my mom. dinner and prom talk with my sister. playing with the cat. no run due to high winds and thunder/lightening. i’m frustrated because that makes three days in a row with no sweat; but one of april’s goals is to give grace and that includes myself. i’ll get miles in today. its okay.
doctor this morning. yoga and a run after. visit with my maternal grandparents this afternoon. off to austin for a date night with the boy tonight. upon hearing my schedule this weekend max remarked, “that’s a lot of driving”. and while it is (+/- 500m), i don’t even have to think about it. getting to see that many of my favorite people in one weekend? worth every minute behind the wheel.